Renewing My Resolve

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For the past few months, my life has been a series of changes, ups and downs and a lot of what ifs. With so much of this roller coaster of living back home near my family and attempting to find peace with a lot of unanswered questions or worries about my past, I have allowed myself to fall short on the things I love like writing, gaming or spending a lot of time with Jei doing the hobbies we love.

A couple of days ago as I was contemplating putting to rest this Blog and attempting to figure out how to break it to both my audience and friends, I was stirred by the silliest things. My sister’s obsession with reading. I know it sounds small but I can still recall when I was younger and she was just a toddler. I was sitting outside on the lawn with her as I was desperately trying to teach her to read. I remember being elated when she recognized a picture of a dog and made the syllables. While I was assured at the time that it was probably just her mimicking me, it is a joy that no one has been able to take away.

As we grew up, her love of books and writing continued to be influenced by my love of those two things as well. I can still remember going to the library during the summer and slipping her a book or two that she really wanted to read but was considered too ‘advanced’ for her to check out herself. It became our little secret and our way to bond. Even after I moved thousands of miles away I would still either buy her books when I visited or give her credit towards bookstores I knew she loved. It was our way of connecting.

With all of the changes and living now right next door to that little sister all grown up, I have not thought a lot about the way that it fuels us both. It was a book that I had seen sitting on the chair that looked interesting to me. I picked it up and flipped through just as my little sister walked in the room. She got so excited, happy that I seemed interested and just gushing about how she was just bursting to talk to someone about the book she had fallen in love with. It struck me to my core.

Here I was, one blog post away from throwing away hopes and dreams due to the discouragement of life and its curve balls and yet my sister after all these years has kept the love and enthusiasm for all things literary. For her, for myself and for the books and stories I never want to leave unfinished, I have to push on. So in the next day or two, I will be backdating and posting my unfinished blogs from August and will do my best to keep them coming. Who knows, maybe I’ll even start sharing some of my rough drafts!

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